Reflection

I've been thinking over the last six months and though it doesn't feel like it's been long at all, it also got me thinking of all the changes that have transpired in that time.

I am still optimistic about 2010 and with the exception of our foreclosure (which was huge in its own right) it has been a great year. Some things you control and some things you don't. I am convinced that the things you can't control are meant to make you better, and the things you can control are up to you to make you better or worse.

Last year just felt completely out of control for me. And though I didn't like a minute of the discomfort and distress, I can see now that it's changed me for the better. I've learned some valuable life lessons in that time, some of which I've already shared with Row. I think I've realized just a little more of my potential and that makes me happy.

In reflection of the past six months, I went back and reread several of our first posts in January and February. I wanted to rekindle that driving force that seems to show up just after Christmas. That New Year Fresh Start excitement that consumes us every year. I think I've found the source, but it's not grandiose or even attractive.

It all comes down to our perception of self-worth and satisfaction with ourselves. I want to be more, do more, have more so that I'll be happy with myself and others will be happy with me too. I'm so dissatisfied with myself that every year I feel the need to become more than I am. And that's not wrong. But just because I am more, do more and have more, doesn't mean I'm happy. I have to say that over the last 18 months I've learned that what makes me happy is peace. Peace at home, peace of mind, and peace in God. My ultimate goal for the lists I've compiled through the year would be that completing them would bring peace in at least one of those three areas.

So even though it's not New Year's Day, here's to a new commitment, a new focus, and a new me! In celebration of the changes in the last six months, I've updated my profile picture! Knowing that Row has also seen a lot of change, I encourage her to do the same. I love you, Sis. This year wouldn't have been the same without you. Don't give up now, we've got another 23 weeks to go!

Progress Report 29

After 6 months, I think I've finally learned the art of writing lists. Maybe I'm just being self-righteous, but I accomplished everything on my list last week and it feels pretty good. I know that I have learned to be more realistic in my expectations of myself so maybe I'm making things too easy on myself. But, truth be told, I like knowing that I've marked everything off.

Last week I was able to unpack a lot of my office/craft items. I feel much more at ease in my home now that I know where to find a safety pin or a crochet hook. I organized the kids' room as much as possible and did a little decorating to try to bring it together. And, I have a nice pile of Yard Sale stuff accumulating. It's a slow process and ongoing, but my goal is to have a yard sale before the end of August.

This week I plan to:

1. Help w/ KPK (Sunday school)
2. Sort through more boxes/ yard sale prep
3. Pay rent (I'm afraid I'll forget)
4. Clean the bathroom
5. Make appt. to get car fixed
6. Clean deck/ porch
7. Dust the basement (ick!)

Progress Report 27 & 28

This week is practically over but I did get a lot done.

Aside from working, we had a barbecue Monday night with friends using my new grill.

Tuesday we made a trip to Farmington to pick up a few items that got carted down there during our move.

We returned home Wednesday afternoon. I then picked up a wardrobe at Big Lots for the kids' room. My friend helped me the rest of the afternoon putting it together.

Thursday was back to work and then swimming at Katie's. We picked strawberries at the local farm before coming home. Friends from Tennessee arrived late and crashed on the floor for the night. They left the next day after breakfast.

Friday was more work in the morning, grocery shopping in the afternoon, laundry and putting my park bench back together. Then a birthday party at a friends house until late.

Today is Saturday and it's about 100 degrees outside. We've managed to keep the temp at about 76 in the house, so it's a good day to stay in and do some housework.

Next week I plan to:

1. Unpack some of my craft things
2. Organize kids' room
3. Plant my perennials
4. Get ready for yard sale
5. Start planning Ella's b-day party (it's early, I know)

New List - July 2010

1. Have a tea party

2. Fly

3. Have a yard sale

4. Get deck stained

5. Lose 15 lbs

6. Give blood

7. Pay off my car

8. Hike the Ecotat gardens

9. Shop in Freeport

10. Start an IRA or get $1000 in savings

Progress Report 26 - Half Way?!

How can we be half way through the year already?! Unbelievable. I was just looking over my list from the beginning of the year and have realized how much my priorities have changed in just six months. I am also feeling a bit forlorn at the thought that maybe I overreached in my list. Perhaps I have only lost my focus, but how to get it back, is the question. I don't feel as though my desires are any different, but the energy it takes to keep up the pace seems to be leaving me.
What have I accomplished in six months from my 2010 list?

1. Write a business plan for Designed by Row - I took a couple of seminars which pointed me in the right directions, but haven't actually done a formal plan. I have also read a couple of books that, I feel, were more of a benefit to the actual running of DbR.
   
2. Plan a trip to Scotland for spring 2011 - Haven't done a thing. Too depressing at the moment. This type of trip will probably have to be put off for a few years.
   
3. Complete 2 semesters of classes - I think I have killed this idea. I spent a year trying to complete one semester and didn't hit that goal. Now I am overdue and screwed.
   
4. Complete renovations of studio and move in - Interior renovations are complete and I am working out of the studio now. The outside has not been done yet, but hopefully before winter.
   
5. Pay off my computer - not even close
   
6. Pay off my credit card - nope
   
7. Take a family vacation - It's not looking good for this one either, but perhaps late summer.
   
8. Plant cedar hedges - Not happening this year.
   
9. Bring in regular freelance or web income - What I failed to realize when I was writing this list, was that if this one came to fruition, I would have very little time for everything else. However, I have had some regular work coming in. Not a lot, but it is steady.
   
10. Wainscoting and new paint for my kitchen - I definitely have not given up on this one. It takes money, which has been a bit hard to come by lately.
    

My goal for the next half of the year is to try to stay focused. I am too easily discouraged and part of growing my box is to break away from old habits that hold me back. The negative self-talk has got to stop. Life is what I make it. Obviously I need to get back to posting more often as it will help keep moving forward and not just treading water.

Progress Report 26 - Half Way

We are now half way through 2010. It's time to re-evaluate and re-commit. I've spent the last hour going over my original list. The recent events have effectively messed up my list. I've tried to reorganize it, but haven't yet come up with new items to fill in the blank spots. I'll have to give it some more thought this week.

This week I plan to:

1. Take Ella and friend shopping
2. Start weeding around house
3. Lori's birthday party
4. Pick up patio chairs
5. Rework 2010 list
6. Prepare for yard sale