Reflection

I've been thinking over the last six months and though it doesn't feel like it's been long at all, it also got me thinking of all the changes that have transpired in that time.

I am still optimistic about 2010 and with the exception of our foreclosure (which was huge in its own right) it has been a great year. Some things you control and some things you don't. I am convinced that the things you can't control are meant to make you better, and the things you can control are up to you to make you better or worse.

Last year just felt completely out of control for me. And though I didn't like a minute of the discomfort and distress, I can see now that it's changed me for the better. I've learned some valuable life lessons in that time, some of which I've already shared with Row. I think I've realized just a little more of my potential and that makes me happy.

In reflection of the past six months, I went back and reread several of our first posts in January and February. I wanted to rekindle that driving force that seems to show up just after Christmas. That New Year Fresh Start excitement that consumes us every year. I think I've found the source, but it's not grandiose or even attractive.

It all comes down to our perception of self-worth and satisfaction with ourselves. I want to be more, do more, have more so that I'll be happy with myself and others will be happy with me too. I'm so dissatisfied with myself that every year I feel the need to become more than I am. And that's not wrong. But just because I am more, do more and have more, doesn't mean I'm happy. I have to say that over the last 18 months I've learned that what makes me happy is peace. Peace at home, peace of mind, and peace in God. My ultimate goal for the lists I've compiled through the year would be that completing them would bring peace in at least one of those three areas.

So even though it's not New Year's Day, here's to a new commitment, a new focus, and a new me! In celebration of the changes in the last six months, I've updated my profile picture! Knowing that Row has also seen a lot of change, I encourage her to do the same. I love you, Sis. This year wouldn't have been the same without you. Don't give up now, we've got another 23 weeks to go!